A man said to me, "Hey sis! Listen you must be doing something right, or in your past helped another, so keep doing whatever it is.,. Cause its evident.  Have a good day!

Man that touched me in so many places. This week alone I needed that warmth. I had a serious setback in my personal life not to mention an illness (that I can't shake at the moment).  I, at the time remained unable to figure out how to make it through other things necessary for the week and month.  My decision or lack of response would happen in 10 minutes or less.  I say ten minutes because it took about three to grasp what was really happening and being stated to me and two more to listen to it being conveyed   I had only one minute to resolve. 

I am thankful for my purpose. I am equally thankful for my close, personal and extended friends I have here in my life. 

A few years back, I questioned and doubted my purpose, even life itself but a big difference, is the people I've met on this journey moving forward, the ones in my life, who become what I call my "Safe Circle" now hold me up. Without me asking - when and if I get weak, depressed, unmoved, whether I'm hurting, overwhelmed, anxious, stagnant, troubled  or over-extending myself ( as passionate people do from time to time).  

What makes my "Safe Circle" different now vs. Back then during my trauma(s)?  Good question.  Well instead of turning/walking away and talking about me like others in my past...they talk to me, walk with me stand in the gap for me and hold my hand when needed, give me hugs ( I love and thrive off hugs! ) cause they know that’s what moves me...

I have made it #Fullcircle

The amazing thing is I was one person, alone providing all those things, standing up and in the gap for individuals and strangers, (who have touched my heart and remain), giving what I couldn't get after being raped... and again after my son died. It was in those times, what I needed most was love, encouragement, hugs, and words of affirmation.

Through my trials I learned how to heal daily.  Now I help others create, identify, maintain their own "Safe Circles" and take their own individual steps to heal daily.

All the love care support- I've given to so many is now continuously given to me and I am thankful.

I wanted to share this short note because I was asked how and why I am able to keep moving and I am always encouraged by others and sometimes their energy gives me the strength to move when I feel I can’t. I still get hurt, just recently   I might add but I am still here. I believe what I teach. You are bigger than your circumstance or situation and so am I , The teacher just needed a little nudge and reminder , so thank you universe  thank you for providing a way for me to see and become Thankful once again.

Jamila

You Can't Tell An Accident to Stop or Pause

You Can't Tell An Accident to Stop or Pause
By: Direct Wisdom

Alone yet free
only way to truly be
at least, that's what she was taught
re-calling lessons of :
don't be afraid to smile
keep your true joy inside
don't share your intentions, dreams, secrets
and even your laughter
learn how to hide
be seen, not heard, kill more bees w/honey, always keep your own money
don't start none won't be none but if you do, you know what to do

if you... if you... if you want to survive
if you... if you... if you want to survive

Silent yet deadly
gaze equaled personality
at least, that's what he thought
re-calling stories of:
everything but the kitchen sink, beaten into and out of sleep
building strength from childhood scars
living less, classic broken home, fridge resembles neighborhood bar
head of household yet only twelve stealing cookies, cakes, soda
afraid of momma but not of jail
learned to lie for safety and convenience
remembered the golden rule don't tell

if you... if you... if you want to survive
if you... if you... if you want to survive

They say opposites attract
polarization happens everyday
the magnetic pull of your destiny lies in wait
so there they are attached to tragedy succumb to false reality attracted to malady
but you can't tell a accident to just stop or pause

She programed to expect less but yearn for more
gratification of self never was covered, besides she learned they will love you when you let them lay inside.
so a pool of yeses, head nods are a birthright and a occasional whisper of at least he better then the last one

He has nothing begins to believe in and subscribe to it,just living for right now
self-love was not only foreign,unattainable but not tolerated besides he rather make it daily so clinic visits, buckets of I'm sorry and when I get out this time, become second nature of the tongue.

They say:
I saw it coming
why didn't she...why would he...
damn he should have...I bet she tried ….
you know y'all quick to do that..heard a unanimous you ain't never lied

everyone calms down starts to agree
recalling there own mishaps, close encounters
shaking their heads in disbelief
feeling lucky nonetheless
and who would've guess it turn this way
you heard them say: man just the other day
they cool then at it again
one stood quiet thinking
were was his so-called ...what happened to her so-called friends

then everyone forgets
shoulda woulda coulda's ain't never saved a life
today would be no different

They say opposites attract
polarization happens everyday
the magnetic pull of your destiny lies in wait
so there they are attached to tragedy succumb to false reality attracted to malady
but you can't tell a accident to just stop or pause
learned to lie for safety and convenience
keep your true joy inside
remembered the golden rule don't tell

if you... if you... if you want to survive
if you... if you... if you want to survive


* This poem touches on themes of gender, stereotypes, traditions, roles, domestic violence, self-esteem, men, women, childhood, abandonment, self-hatred, friendship, gossip, destiny, karma, hardships, containment, anger, survival, secrets, tolerance, history, relationships, silence, values, memory, displacement,unwarranted compromise and belief systems.

VICTORY TIME

October 18, 2009
　

Victory-noun,
a success or triumph over an enemy in battle or war.
the ultimate and decisive superiority in any battle or contest
a success or superior position achieved against any opponent, opposition, difficulty, etc.


Morning!

At some point you have to claim “IT” for yourself - I know you may be tired, preoccupied with life, don’t have time and the list may go on but repeat after me:

I know what I want,
I'll rewrite the rules
I know my value,
I’m(Insert:______________)’s precious Jewel”
(name of Renewal Source/Higher Power)

When I heard this song playing today, I was tempted to do the same thing I did two years ago which was to shout and say Yes, Thank You Karina, beautiful song indeed. You are more then welcome to say those words above every morning or just when necessary, I don’t mind.

Music can be a gateway to healing, I would leave this alone because that in itself is a statement but I want to explore with you further, so for Today only when you read this, at whatever time it comes across your eyes do me a favor, yes YOU take a moment by yourself, in your car, with friends then, PAUSE.

Okay, find that one song , you know the one, when you hear it compels you to move from the inside, the one that makes you want to rock, nod your head, fist pump, jump, the one thing that will make you scrunch up your face because it starts to feel good umph, it is about to catch you, permission granted..get ugly with it !

Are you ready ? Would you like to suggest or exchange ideas ? You can tell me, well while I’m waiting for you to share and get comfortable. I must admit this to you, I have several songs that fit this category, I will share my Victory Song first because we are in this together.

Are you with me ladies? Do I have your attention men?

Let’s practice with your choice… say it, hum, write it down or sing it . I love it! If you are like me you just may be belting it out WORK IT!

My song today is: “CAN’T BRING ME DOWN” by Karina P.(young lady is a powerhouse) feel free to utilize. Here are some words from the song:

“Trust me, I know they will try
But they won’t bring me down
I know what I’m made of inside
They can’t bring me down
It ain’t over until the last round
Will they bring me down? No!
If I stumble I won’t hit the ground
They can’t bring me down” - Lyrics from Can’t Bring Me Down by Karina

　

The song you pick for your moment will start to move you in the smallest of ways, feel the momentum, maybe even a slight smile on your face, ladies and gentleman at that point it should feel organic, familiar. What is that? Your core, a feeling, your inner-self ,that connection, that says YES…I am ready today.

Go ahead! You have my permission to Enjoy, Tap into it and ROCK OUT.

Remember, When you are unafraid and unashamed to LOVE yourself , you HELP to create a small opening where ___________(fill in the blank) can meet you right there as if to say Jamila,(put your name silly)

I recognize your power, I acknowledge you strength, your potential, your gifts...
I want in
I want a piece
I want you”

**Believe me, they “whoever” or “whatever” it will be, rightfully should want that newness.

Success is only truly measured from the inside, congratulations, the road to healing has never felt so good.

I appreciate, celebrate, applaud YOU because you, yes YOU all by yourself picked a great day to enrich yourself and start again.


Jamila

Justice Denied Revisited

This was originally reported on in May 2009 but I thought it was worth revisiting in case you missed it. Not only in New York but around the country shadows of the same issues continue to go on across the U.S.

I want to thank the Voices of Women project for be willing to not only take a vested interest but willing to broadcast it,so we all may benefit from it and hopefully in return, act accordingly.

Jamila

The Voices of Women Organizing Project has released a report titled "Justice Denied: How Family Courts in NYC Endanger Battered Women and Children." The report found that women who have been abused by the father of their children lose custody thirty-seven percent of the time.

It also found that battered women are retraumatized when forced to confront their abusers in court, and that custody is often given to the abuser even when the woman is the primary caregiver. The organization made four recommendations to address these problems: create and fund a court watch project; make sure court decisions are made in the best interest of the children; consider seriously any abuse allegations; and be sure that court proceedings are just.


Research for the report was conducted over two years and consists of approximately 75 interviews with domestic violence survivors, focus groups of battered women and foster care teens, and meetings with court personnel.

The women interviewed for the report had all experienced abuse and had family court cases in 2005 or 2006. Eighty percent said their abusers used the courts to carry out a threat to gain custody of the children and keep them from having contact with their mothers.

Approximately thirty percent of the women said they did not feel safe in the courtroom, and forty percent said they did not feel safe in the waiting areas. In twenty-five percent of the cases women were told, sometimes by lawyers, not to bring up domestic abuse or to challenge custody because it might make the situation worse.

The report concluded that when the mothers appear in court a combination of factors, such as fear of the abuser, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder create a negative image of the mother's capability.

Janitor from El Modena High School charged for Sexually Assault of Special Education Student

Luis Antonio Mejia


Quick Facts:

• Mejia(49)charged with sexually assaulting a special education student in his campus office
• Faces charges of six felony counts of lewd and sex acts, one misdemeanor count of child annoyance.
• Arraignment is scheduled for Today in the Central Justice Center in Santa Ana, California
• Mejia has worked as a janitor at El Modena High School in Orange for 12 years.
• He exchanged written notes with the victim, including "I love you" cards and over 100 calls and text messages
• Several encounters at school in his office,relationship reported by girl's friend to principal
• According to prosecutors, he groomed her with candy,cards,gifts and money. He also instructed another janitor to cover a video surveillance camera with tape
• Orange Police Department, launched an investigation after being contacted by school
• Luis Mejia posted $250,000 bail and is not in custody, case number is 09CF1331

for more info on this story

http://www.ocregister.com/articles/school-mejia-prosecutors-2438390-sexual-office

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-janitor-charged,0,192209.story

Freedom For Survivors of Sexual Abuse:Forum

Received this in a email and thought someone can benefit from this. I also looked up a few websites with their links provided below:

http://www.tamarsvoice.org/
http://www.snap-network.net/
http://hopeforsurvivors.org/

Outreach for clergy sexual abuse victims, their families and loved ones.

Saturday May 2,2009 @12:15 p.m. St.Francis Convent 116 8th Ave. SE, Little Falls, MN 56345

Minnesota men who were sexually abused as children openly discuss their injuries and steps to recovery, survivors of clergy sex abuse and male victims of incest will discuss the following:

• decades long history and understandings of the Catholic Crosier Religious Order
• sexual abuse of area boys and the negative impact of the abuse on area families.
• the battles of stepping out of the shadows of silence of childhood rape and victimization
• the long-term ramifications of the abuse on the men, their families and loved ones.

The forum includes: a written questions and answer session (written questions are to insure anonymity)
sharing of survivor stories resources from area child advocacy centers and agencies established area support groups

*A private and confidential SNAP Survivor Support Group will follow the public presentation.

Listed below are just some of the reasons you should attend or take a loved one. Equally important, when left unchecked or talked about it will continue to affect our community, your personal environment. Please help spread the word about this!

Childhood sexual abuse is associated with a greater risk of: Suicide; Alcoholism; Drug abuse; Re-victimization; Unintended pregnancy; Eating disorders; Self-mutilation; Depression; Insomnia; Seductive behaviors, Prostitution; Confusion of sexuality and nurturing behavior; Relationship problems; Sexually transmitted disease; Identity disturbances; and Involvement in physically abusive relationships as adults.

Need more information?

contact any of the following or check http://www.snap-network.net/ website for updates.

Bob Schwiderski from Wayzata, MN SNAP Director, 952-471-3422, skibrs@mchsi.com

Craig Martin from St. Cloud, CMSAC, Male Services Coordinator, 320-251-4357

Julie Kapsch from Little Falls, Hands of Hope, Sexual Assault Services Coordinator, 320-632-1657

Gender Stereotyping-Assessment (Repost)

Gender Stereotyping

We want to provide information, assessments, exercises and relevant news in our blogs that you can use as an individual, amongst your friends,family or even as a aid.


*The goal of this assessment is to measure stereotyping in the context of relationships and responsibility.



Directions: Choose the best response according to your beliefs.

CLICK BELOW to take our Gender Stereotyping Assessment
http://www.%20surveymonkey.%20com/s.%20aspx?sm=D_2bDUMogWNZQvp11RUMbkQQ_3d_3d

**Higher score will denote a more stereotypical attitude**


If you have questions, call in to our show (347)215-9292. Tune in to BlogTalkRadio Starting May 10, 2009
http://www.blogtalkradio/build2blend

As always, send your feedback, questions or suggestions to blog@buildtoblend.org

The Sexual Violence Research Initiative Forum 2009

The Sexual Violence Research Initiative Forum 2009
(coordinated evidence-based responses to end sexual violence)

The conference is aimed at promoting research on sexual violence, highlighting innovation and encouraging sharing and networking in the area of sexual violence.



This global event will bring together over 200 participants working on sexual violence as researchers, gender activists, funders, policy makers, service providers, survivors and others.




This conference will be held in Johannesburg, South Africa from July 6th to 9th 2009 and is sponsored by Sexual Violence Research Initiative


For more info on SVRI-Sexual Violence Research Initiative check the main website: www.svri.org



Accommodations:

Avianto-Tel: 27 11 668 3000
Web: http://www.avianto.co.za/

Heia Safari-Tel: 27 11 919 5000
Web: http://www.heia-safari.co.za/

Glenburn Lodge-Tel: 27 11 668 1600
Web: www.glenburn.co.za

Kloofzight- Tel: +27 11 317 0600
Web: www.kloofzicht.co.za

Garden Lodge- Tel: +27 11 745 0400
Web: www.gardenlodge.co.za

Aloe Ridge Hotel- Tel: +27 11 957 2070
Web: www.aloeridgehotel.com

La Terrasse- Tel: +27 (0)11 561 3111

Abuse of young women fuels the HIV epidemic in Jamaica - JamaicaObserver.com

Abuse of young women fuels the HIV epidemic in Jamaica - JamaicaObserver.com

Quick facts:

• Sex crimes alone account for 827 of the more than 5,000 major crimes reported between January and September 2008.





• Rape accounted for more than half (536) of the sex crimes reported between January and September 2008.





• 485 incidents of rape between January and September 2007.





• In Jamaica(as in other parts of the world) a significant number of women experience other forms of gender-based violence, such as physical violence and sexual coercion





• Government began implementing its third National Strategic Plan on HIV/AIDS/STIs from 2007 to 2011. The plan focuses on achieving universal access to prevention, treatment, care and support.

• Men and women between 20 and 39 years old account for 54%of reported AIDS cases in Jamaica.
  

It was stated and I believe it is true for most if not all Multi-ethnic Minorities that

"the primary contributors to the HIV epidemic in Jamaica are said to be socio-cultural, behavioural and economic factors that result in risky behaviours such as multiple sex partners, older men having sex with younger women, and early sexual engagement."- Jamaica Observer

What hinder progress ? What aids cultural acceptance of women being exposed to violence ? The writer expressed these themes listed,the question I would ask is if you agree or would you add to what is stated in the article?

unequal gender roles with women,often in subordinate and dependent relationships

dependence on a man for your economic well-being

Men are also at risk because of the idealised images of masculinity, which dictate that the man should have a lot of women, and can take risk without fear of the consequences.

Marriage has a certain meaning in this society."The woman is seen as belonging to the man. The man is seen as the master of the woman."

shackles, anyone?

Because of that, marriage is seen as this precious institution designed for people to have children - they [women] are not capable of negotiating safe sex even when they suspect the man is playing around. The tragedy is that husbands cheat with women and with men as well."

when I was reading I wasn't discouraged just disappointed but oftentimes like in my personal life I can be encourage or give hope in the form of words, like this article gave to me.

"the culture that facilitates violence and abuse, and strips women of negotiating power, is changing.It is changing because people are more aware. The laws now say that those who are aware of abuse and do not report it are liable, so people are more likely to intervene on behalf of affected women and children. I have noticed a greater willingness to report and to intervene. We still have a long way to go but the increase in awareness has helped."

Man, doesn't that feel good, but I agree we have a long way to go not just in Minnesota but in the world when it come to violence against women and the readily accepted practices of keeping women in the position of less power.

READ THE ARTICLE - STAY INFORMED - SEEK HELP - SPEAK OUT

WELCOME TO OUR BLOG

We here at BUILD to BLEND want to give you information about issues surrounding Sexual Assault from many positions for instance; we will report on things going on in the community, around the state of Minnesota, news from around the US and abroad. We will also give you B2B's standpoint and survivor(s) point of view.






I personally think it's more important that we try to give you steps or ideas on how you the individual, your community can be a support to someone affected by the abuse and or assault. Our ultimate goal is for you to be equipped and ultimately ready and willing to help prevent Sexual Violence.

We think it is important for us to discuss in this format, social networks, in person for many reasons but I will share my personal view by giving you a couple reason that are important to me and why I step out continuously .

• there are women everywhere and with that potential for greatness and for exploitation of some kind due to Socio-Economic factors, cultural influence, Religious factors, outdated stereotypes and roles affixed on to women and young girls.
  





• We are not alone Sexual Violence and Sexual Abuse at the hands of someone else does not just happen in Minnesota, the U.S. but it's a epidemic that affects us Worldwide.
  





• Men are everywhere as well with the same potential for greatness but just like women run the risk of being exploited or having to live up to outdated stereotypes and roles because of Socio-Economic factors, Cultural influences, Religious Doctrine, outdated stereotypes and roles affixed to young boys.
  
  




• Minorities are unfortunately consistent, with the help of those same factors listed above over time to be an under-served community affected by Sexual Violence.
  





• All survivors are not shaped in a little neat box. We are all different shades and sizes, we don't all forgive, fight, cry, forget, move, heal, create or e even dream at the same time. We don't identify the same or even have the same issues before we were hurt, so why would that change.
  





• As a African-American Woman who has been abused and sexually assaulted I am pinch-able, living proof that it does happen to Minorities. I am unafraid to speak because for a long time I felt I couldn't...imagine that.
  





• People personally tell me and others what we do and say is necessary, someone is helped, you can make a difference, you are changing attitudes, you do make people talk about it (even if behind closed doors) they are still talking...now I say OPEN THE DOOR- so that we can come in and you let all that hurt, speculation, negative attitudes, apprehensions and pain out.
  
  

There is more, if you like, I can elaborate on those concepts or ideals stated above.

If anything, what I would like you to take from this particular blog or any that I or BUILD to BLEND may post is that sometimes violence does happen and often, more then any of us would like, those things are or can potentially be of a sexual nature.



Thank You,



Jamila and Everyone else here who supports BUILD to BLEND